honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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