why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize