Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
