THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
