he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Randomize
