I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
