no, he came in my armpit
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
