He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize