How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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