i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
