good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
