my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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