Im at strip club and am horny
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
