I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
