His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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