he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
