Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
