Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
