this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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