Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
