We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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