At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
