Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
handjob tips. give me some.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
