all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
