Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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