I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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