I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
