Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
