she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize