We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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