haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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