Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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