I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
