Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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