I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
