a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
