I want to have your abortion
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
