I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
MIDGETS
????
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
