I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
