I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
we're so committed to being not committed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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