My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
