4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
