your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
