just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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