it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i think im in europe. pls send help
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
