dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
