When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
