Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
