No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
