can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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