I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize