didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
