Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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