Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
