Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
