conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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