you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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