ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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