I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
