I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
