I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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