My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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