I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My ass is underappreciated
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
