Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
