i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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