He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
