Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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