I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
