I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
