We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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