she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
