WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
